temeridad

well, it’s been a ride and i’ve yet to make the journey public BUT i just finished the third or four rounds of chemo for a grade/level 1-2 lymphoma in my left arm pit. what a freaky thing. i responded better than anyone could have wished for. i now have to wrap up the treatment with a fourth treatment on november 30th and follow up with a month or radiation. the tumor started out fairly large (about the size of a small mellon) and a week or so ago the second CAT SCAN showed the remnants about the size of a walnut. this could just be scar tissue but no chances taken. at this point it sounds like the radiation (which usually knocks out the remaining cancer) will be just a back up for me and help to assure the cancer does not come back to that area.
i have to say this has not been nearly as difficult for me as i thought it would be. i’ve been lucky and blessed to have had no real sickness during the whole thing. after each chemo treatment i experienced a lot of hazy thinking and emotional/mental stresses but most of that faded after 5-7 days when the haze lifted and i would be back to somewhat normal. i had to take prednisone for 5 days after each treatment as well. it was the final drug in the treatment called R-CHOP. prednisone is the P in CHOP. duh. so that’s what seemed to cause the haziness but who knows? all i know is i can’t WAIT to go jogging again. it will still be a month or so and i’m not a TRUE jogger but i just want to run for a while and let all of this junk wash over me.
this has been a real test of my abilities to control my emotions. after my stint in guatemala and argentina i thought i would come back and take a “little” while to figure things out and get going again in some sort of design profession or art. i guess it wasn’t my time to “JUMP”. i had to sit back down and think about life and what’s important and where i wanted to go from here. what i think i figured out is the way i was thinking about life was correct and the cancer/time to think set that thinking in stone. i know what i don’t want out of life right now more than i know what i do want out of life. i’ll refrain from making a list of what’s not wanted. you can figure it out if you know i’ve been working for the last 10 yrs in commercial design and all the “professional” stuff that goes along with it. i have to say that i’ve been EXTREMELY fortunate in my career though. i’ve had so much creative freedom. props to myself for being creative and being able to push my creativity to the fore front for others to recognize.
that said, what’s next? anyone need some art or design consultations? color form light void……these are the words i want on my tongue to bring joy to my life and the lives of others. bla bla bla. there ya go.
k